I have always lived a fairly full life with a very full schedule. Every evening and weekend filled with concerts, events, birthday parties, networking and derby. You would be hard pressed to find a hole on my schedule within two months. But I liked it that way. Never bored. Always moving, connecting and making more plans.
With one fall, my slate cleared. Since I injured my knees nearly a month ago, I was forced to cancel, postpone or miss out on scheduled meetings and events. Plans of weekend camping vanished. A weekend in San Francisco: gone. Meetings at work were rescheduled or happened without me. Life moved on in its rapid pace, but I became a snail. Moving slowly, I have become an observer of life.
Outfitted with my grandfather’s 18 year old Nissan, since I’m not able to drive my stick-shift Mini Cooper, I have been transported back in time. His smell still lingers on, as the current soundtrack of my life streams from the cassettes he left behind. And Dean Martin reminds me, memories are made of this.
I have come to appreciate spending evenings at home with my family and gawking at the details of life most people are too much on. I am slowly starting to getting out more, but I want to keep this slower mentality with me as I begin to move faster physically.
I have found the reason I haven’t posted on this blog in a long time and it is the perfect topic to resurrect it.
vemödalen – n. the fear that everything has already been done.
Vemödalen is the reason I have trouble writing or finding an inspiration for art. I’m not sure if it is a true fear, but it is definitely an inhibitor. This video by John Koenig, creator of one of my new favorite websites, The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, tells a heart-hitting story of a real struggle for many people. His web series seeks to create and define words “to fill a hole in the language—to give a name to emotions we all might experience but don’t yet have a word for.”
Personally, this video is a reminder to stop thinking about what others have or haven’t done and follow my own passions, even if others have the same passions. I’m not original in what I do and that should be ok.
Don’t Look Back, remains the best advice I ever received from any sidewalk. The past is the past, and it doesn’t matter if someone else has done it before. I’m done making excuses (this sounds much easier in print). It’s time to take action so I can end up where I’m meant to be, wherever that is. For now, I’ll try to overpower my thoughts and let myself create freely. And to myself I say, “Good luck with that.”
I am constantly looking for ways to keep my life in balance. When I finally feel like work is under control, finding time for working out becomes an issue. And what about writing, reading and making art. And I can’t possibly forget to spend time with family, friends and my husband. I miss going camping or even the occasional hike.
The way I attempt to find balance is by looking at my life in bite sized pieces and press forward in making things happen. I don’t give up on anything and I don’t really want to trim back. Every week I look at my schedule and add in times I can get to the gym or taking a run. I try to read nightly before I go to bed. I plan to add writing back into the mix starting now. I try to write at least two letters or postcards per week (I managed to send one 23 out of the 31 days in July during my challenge). I still need to work on carving out time for camping, vacations, friends and family. Oh, and this blogging stuff.
The hardest time about finding balance is that you actually have to work at it. It is easy to become complacent and fall into a rut of watching movies and staring at your computer screen watching the social media streams flow by. And sometimes you just need to celebrate your successes. Every time I get down about the things I haven’t done, I try to think about the things that I have done… like this year alone I have written more short stories than any other year and read more books than any year since college. We went to Palm Springs and Cambria. I started working at a place I absolutely love. I also feel more connected to my friends and community than ever. Things are happening. I made them happen. And you can too.
This has been a year of writing for me. For the first couple months of this year, I was writing a short story a week. One of my short stories won second place in San Diego Writer’s Ink‘s Fahrenheit 451 contest. The story, “Paper Heart” was then read on stage by a professional actress from Write Out Loud. Just this month, I participated in San Diego Writer’s Ink’s fundraising event, Blazing Laptops Write-a-thon where I wrote four short stories about my grandfather’s life in nine hours AND raised $300 for the organization.
As this year’s track record seems to indicate (as well as the successes of some of my previous projects like my “What I Learned Today…” series and NaNoWriMo), I tend to accomplish more in small doses with small goals. I’m still a vegetarian after two years after challenging myself to try it for one week. So I have set myself yet another goal for this year. In July, I will be writing and sending at least one letter or postcard a day to friends and family.
I have always enjoyed writing letters. In middle school, high school, and even college I had various pen pals. Sometimes I would write quick stories, other times I just write what comes to mind. I truthfully miss it. Plus there was the added bonus that sometimes people would write back.
What I really want to do is build habits and bring smiles to others. If you want me to send you something, send me an email, DM, PM, leave a comment below, or even send me a letter. Like all my other projects, I will continue as long as I don’t get distracted, but I will for sure last the month. Based on my number of contacts, I could probably continue for almost a year before having to repeat. Yeesh!
Happy birthday to me! Next week is my birthday and I seem to be starting a tradition. Last year we silk screened shirts at my birthday party for the most amazing theme ever: Put A Bird On It. And birds were put on things… 32 items were screened! This was the most popular of the two designs I created.
This year’s theme makes me think of my horrible fashion choices in the 80’s but represents so much more: My Future’s So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades. Once again, we will be silk screening t-shirts (or any item people want screened) but this time for a donation to Classics 4 Kids, dedicated to educating children through the music and the arts.
If you can’t make the party, we can still screen you an item. Just text, email or DM me and we will figure it out.
Help me decide this year’s design. We will only do one design, but in two different colors. Pick a design you would wear. We will be burning the screen this weekend, so make sure you have a say. Even if you won’t be there and don’t plan to get a shirt, do the poll. Admit it, polls are fun.